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Texas Idiot

  • nahomitrevizo
  • Jan 24
  • 2 min read

I would always joke around about what my title was as a girlfriend, you know like "rockstar boyfriend", fashion girly girlfriend" or "skater boyfriend", academic girlfriend"- you get the gist.

It wasn't until I was in my bed, close to passing out from the abortion I was going through that I realized I was an idiot. I was literally the "idiot girlfriend" and I started to wonder like "Oh my god! Was it transparent? How many people knew it but me!?"


I didn't know how to sing or know how to work a camera or how to sow or know music. I didn't know anything cool or was good at anything niche. The only thing I was good at was sitting for hours and observing, with headphones around my ears and occasional thoughts in my brain. But even after all that I thought I was cool, you know? I thought I was kind. And I liked people. I enjoyed looking at their features and getting to know them. And it's shitty when you start to believe your value is less than what it is. Like the one thing I liked about myself wasn't, in fact, cool enough. I figure the correlation is this; this had happened to me because I deserved it and I deserved it because I am who I am.


You would think I would've planned it for the day but it seems like I keep proving to myself time and time again that I am an idiot. My thought process was "Oh! I'll pass a fetus and then be asleep by 11!"

Anyways, I'm planning on getting "IDIOT" tattooed on my left knuckles right next to "TEXAS" on my right. It'll remind me to think clearly, hopefully. Otherwise I'll just be a Texas Idiot forever.



A Passage fro February 22nd, 2022:


"I had swallowed Mifepristone and chased it with a beer. Then I started to cry. It was the first time I had done so since finding out- It had been a while since I had been this scared. It was 8 pm on a random fucking Wednesday and I was alone"



Song of the Week: Japanese Candy x Brutus VIII

 
 
 

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