My favorite word is "anyway"

Wow, when I said it was time to say goodbye, I didn’t mean it quite literally. I missed this week’s weekly post- Did I feel bad? Yeah, sure. (I wrote that while making that "sure" face people make when they're unsure. You know like borrowing your eyebrows, squinting the eyes and, like, pouting the bottom lip just a little. Are we trying to look inquisitive?) But yeah, I felt a little bad, but it really had been a long ass fucking week. I'm not sure if I'm ready to talk about the bad parts yet but I will say this, I'm very keen on celebrating the little victories. Those are the ones that add up I guess.

Anyway, long week off (unintentional) so I thought I'll share something about me:

For a very long time now, it had always felt as if I was older than my actual age. I won’t even try to find the answer as to why. When I was 21 I began dating this guy who was six years older than me and for so long, every time my birthday would come around I would think "Oh my god, I'm not even as old as Pace was when we started dating!?" Regardless, I always felt older than what I was. And then I hit like 24, 25 and thought "ok this might be the age I've been feeling like I am the whole time" and then 27 hit and I, for the first time was distraught!!? I began to think, "ooooh yeah no, I definitely feel younger than twenty-seven." And although that isn't entirely untrue, I definitely resonate with my age now and it is actually, not too bad. 

My bones crack and my knees hurt ((at MY ripe age!??)) but I also at the same tome feel the best I have ever felt. I've learned with time how to be happy and that to me is just insane. Maybe not necessarily figured out the equation to happiness learned but I have begun to trust that it really does get better. 

I move up to New York again soon.. Excitinggg, I could literally scream and cry and jump up and down and do that choking yourself emote. I begin a new job in July, and I begin school in August. All added up and I am living my dream. This next chapters' anyway. It makes me excited to get older and the more I grow the more I realize I can really have everything I want and I don’t know about you but I have ridiculous dreams. 

I'm grateful for everything my younger self has done, dare I say I would be her friend. She's been fearless and has my admiration, as I feel as I am no longer that. Not fearless like I used to be at least, not like her. I don't necessarily think this as a bad thing. Anyway, I'll make sure to remember to keep my favorite parts of myself close, just as I try to do with those around me. 

But enough with the sappy! I wanted to put "I'll Haunt You x Tennis" on as the song of the week but god how corny would THAT be.

Song of the Week: I'll Haunt You x Tennis