Let me fucking dance

What is the science behind embarrassment? When I say I want to be alone its because I want to get high and dance in my room. Is there really people who can do this freely?

Can I, I wonder?

The problem with me is that I refuse to subject myself to uncomfortablility. My friend Katy used to always say I was "selfish" but I think it took me less than her finishing the second vowel to understand she didn't mean it in a bad way. The older I get the more I, unashamedly, say no to people, to places, to things.

That being said, I wonder where the difference lies in when i'm dancing by myself, high, cooking breakfast vs in-front of others. Is it the uncertiaintey, the not knowing what others might think? Or is it the fact that I don't want to find out that I care. Because I'm not sure if I do or don't. I don't care to find out, I tell myself.

But maybe I should? Would acting as so in the outside world be some sort of exposure therapy? I have noticed I sing and dance a bit when I'm running and seem to not care if others see, in fact the movement makes me happy. Why do I neglect what I crave!?

I'm pretty sure that realistically, no one cares.

I'm adding "more dancing" to my 2025 resolutions.

Song of the week: Descends x Weekend Affair